Showing posts from January, 2017

My First Review: Personal Revolutions by Oli Anderson

It's difficult for me to explain how i felt when i was ill, my judgement was impaired and my thoughts were irrational, so now with a rational mind they seem like a dream. One thing I know for sure is that my focus was all over the place and i really lacked any control. I needed an anchor, something i could hold on to... i think this would normally (normally in this society in recent times) be the role of the therapist but with the NHS in crisis, that option wasn't available to me. If i was a religious man i guess i would turn to the appropriate text to guide me whilst i tried to explore how i was feeling, a passage in the bible for example. But I'm not religious.
As soon as I started reading this book, i realised it could be the anchor i needed. I understood the wisdom in lots of books, but there was always this religious or mystic undertone that i still find difficult to accept.
Personal Revolutions is different, it strips away the unnecessary to reveal the truth underne…

Should I Smoke This Spliff I Just Rolled?

Earlier on Twitter, a thread caught my eye as quite an innocent post (and the poster) were accused of perverting the minds of children, all wrapped in an assumption that all cannabis users are drug addled morons with no idea of the harm they cause themselves or others...
It inspired me to write something. I dunno why exactly, sometimes things create an emotional reaction and that motivates me to want to do something and I choose to write (it's better than becoming a 1 man revolutionary army, prepared to take on the tyrannical Tories).
Cannabis, less harmful to society and any individual user than alcohol and tobacco, more beneficial to the medical world than... well anything really cos it seems to have a positive effect on symptoms that currently have no other cure and to those families... it's priceless.
If the above paragraph is wrong, i'd love someone to challenge me on it, i'd accept any valid response, though you'd be hard pressed to change my mind. There'…

Choose your own adventure

Steve Jackson.

I think that was the name of one of the authors who wrote a great series of books, that instead of reading sequentially, like a 'normal' book would, you'd have to move to different pages via a system of luck written into the script or a choosing of paths.

Great stories, instead of the book containing one long narrative, you had the opportunity of experiencing a single short story, but with the ability to go back and change the decisions you've made. That would be nice... or would it? you decide.

I don't think time exists. There i said it. I think it's a measure of 'change' that we created, it cannot be seen, only retold. Which of course means it can be experienced, to some degree, but not the perfect truth of a situation that once was.

It might seem as if i'm forgetting live recordings, home movies, etc... think on the times you've watched them... do they ever give the full story? I've never felt so.

Anything is possible... t…

The truth and the bumbling bard.


My last 2 posts are clearly not the full story of my life; i couldn't remember it all even if i wanted to. It's just a story using selected fragments of memory, the truth as i know it, yet i have the advantage of a perspective you could never have.

I have (at times of great stress, which has been often) lost control of how i present myself, i allowed the emotions to take the lead, and just reacted. Petulantly rejecting any more adjustment on my own part and concluded it was everyone else that was wrong.

It was just a story, like the past two posts, selected memories creating a story, a story where i was a victim and had to fight back against all those that were unjust. That fight motivated me, i was playing the role of the warrior, but it wasn't my true nature. I think in terms of traditional roles i sit somewhere between bard and healer...
I wonder if bard is simply a different form of healer, emotional healing through music, imagery, story telling. so maybe i can…

Writing is fun if you enjoy writing

Timing is everything.

Truly great advice.

At 29 i had finally found an office environment where i could fit, a combination of motivation, experience, logical problem solving, and somewhere that my emotions were seen as tool that is only dangerous when not used properly... but i never understood that, i thought i did, but i was wrong.

That environment, where I experienced the most growth, was within the capacity planning department of Network Rail. At the weekend, when you go to get your usual train but find changed timetables and bus replacement services... yeah... that's Capacity Planning, and if you spent time there, you'd experience a group of the most hard working loyal employees you will ever meet, faced with the most complex of logic problems:

 'With only 24 hours in a day, how can we give more time to operators to run more trains whilst also giving more time to the workforce to carry out all the essential maintenance and renewals required to safely run those demand…

I Writ Sumfin

Writing is easy, just write every day.

Truly great advice.

Knowing 'what' to say however, has never been an easy choice for me, "will they understand?" "does it make sense?" "Why am i saying it?" "What do i hope to achieve?"I seemed to find every barrier as some sort of 'sign' that i'm foolish and to just forget about it.

... maybe now, things will be different.

But why? What is different about 'me' at this very moment than the 'me' yesterday or last week or last year or 20 years ago?

I had become very confused at some point in my youth, and i think I've been in a panic ever since, although I have early memories of questioning life my mum always said it started long before then, that i have always wondered about the meaning of it all from a very young age.

I remember laying in bed as a child, the home in the memory tells me i was younger than 10, but i couldn't be any more specific. I'd lay there …