Showing posts from March, 2017
I used to say that,

"Everything is ok in my life, then it all seems to fall apart..."
But i guess the reality is that i'm never actually 'ok', i'm just managing how i'm feeling enough for it not to affect others. Then it eventually becomes too much for me to ignore/hide and the 'fall apart' bit happens.
Now i'm being more 'real' with myself, i notice the little routines i get into in different situations, essentially to mask how i'm really feeling. Sometimes there is no feeling, only emptiness (i'm writing this with a smile on my face, it's dark but not depressing), and rather than just look at people blankly when they talk to me, i'll fall into a routine which up until recently i never knew was happening.
Having felt much improved for the first 2 months of the year, i decided to start work. I focused on an entry level job as not to aggravate my stress. One thing i didn't count on was all the social dynamics in an o…

Stigma, Mental Health, and the NHS

I haven't written anything for a while as I've been getting used to working and managing my health at the same time. I felt compelled to write today, compelled to write about the prejudice that I face with a mental health condition in modern Britain.

I have noticed a spike in my anxiety recently; I keep focusing on the breathing etc... as I now know it has a great positive effect on my life. But when it gets intense I struggle to think rationally and even sitting down to start relaxing because too difficult a task, I'm too hyped up to relax.

Yesterday I felt it best to book an emergency appointment at my GP to discuss my anxiety.

I entered the GP office but it wasn't my usual GP so in an attempt to clarify the situation I started to explain my experience over the last year and how I was managing to cope on my own but wanted some advice. Whilst I was having this discussion with the GP, she was intently reading my notes. Whilst this was happening I saw the same look com…